Manage Your Self in the Third Person
Manage your self like you do the important things in your work.
What are the four or five most important things in your life?
Chances are, you count off things like your spouse, your kids, your job. Not too many of us will put their “self” on this list. That’s probably because people don’t want to be seen as too self-centered. But the problem with not naming yourself is significant: Without a healthy, functioning, effective you, what happens to the other things that you just listed?
It’s ok. Put yourself on the list of important things.
You might find it easier to do this if you temporarily refer to yourself in the third person. Yes. If I think of “Ron Cadet” as an abstract entity, I find it easier to detach myself from life's successes and setbacks and look at the future through an objective lens.
If you can get in that mindset, examine yourself in the same way you examine your work responsibilities. How do you manage the important things there? You probably set goals, make forecasts, execution plans. You take measurements, and you make adjustments. If those strategies help you maximize outcomes at work, why wouldn’t they maximize outcomes for your person?
To that end, first, you need to name some outcomes. Towards naming the right outcomes to focus on will help to revisit the question, “What are the four or five most important things in <”your name”>’s life?”. Take a pen in hand (or open up your favorite notes app), and begin by writing down those 4 or 5 most important concerns. Remember, include your “self”.
Understand how the important things connect
I call the important areas of concern in my life “Provinces”. My life Provinces are Self, Work, Estate, Family, and Community. It is a subject matter for another post, but in a nutshell, a healthy and balanced Self is needed to power fulfilling and successful Work. That Work enables me to procure a place to live and autos and accounts (an Estate). That Estate enables me to provide for my Family (which, for me, is the most important Province of all). Finally, a healthy and successful Family can engage in a Community (church, school, nation, etc) and advance that Community’s health and success.
This works for me. You can borrow it or create your own provinces. The important thing is to understand how all of your “Provinces” connect and interrelate.
Envision the future and sub-divide it into the now
For each province, write down three bullet points describing outcomes you want to see in 10 years. Once you have that down, write down three bullets that get you halfway there in 5 years. Then divide your five-year bullets into three years and then one year.
You should now have a list of objectives that you can accomplish in a year toward your ultimate outcomes. This may be enough for you, but I subdivide it even further into quarters and months.
Now that you have objectives for every province of your life, make a list of things that you can do this week to advance your month's or year’s objectives.
Take measurements and make adjustments
There’s an adage that says “that which gets measured gets done”. For me, I measure and manage “Ron Cadet” using a number of apps, including a task manager to track time, a budget and tracking app to track finances, my Apple Watch and health app to track exercise, etc. I wake up a half hour earlier each day and start before the kids are up to update these “meta” trackers.
Once a week, usually on Sunday, I look at the list of objectives I took on the previous week and check my progress. Then, looking at the overall goals for each of the life provinces in my notes, I set new objectives for the week. Sometimes the objectives set in a given week get pushed from week to week until they get done. Sometimes, I look at my quarterly or yearly goals and throw out some weekly objectives. It’s ok to make adjustments.
The important thing is to get into a daily and weekly routine, look for progress in small steps, and repeat.
Enjoy your successes and learn from your setbacks
At the end of each year, take a look at your objectives for each of your life’s provinces, and you will probably be surprised by all you were able to get done by managing your self in the third person. Take note of your successes and appreciate them.
For things that didn’t get done or went in the wrong direction, try to find the lesson in the setback. Taking two steps forward is possible after a step back. Look at your setbacks in this fashion, and you’ll have your self moving in the right direction every time.